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Speaking out to be an advocate/my story for Mental Health

Mental Health issues has truly been on the rise. May was Mental Health Awareness Month.  I just recently started to bring my attention and awareness towards mental health.  For many years my main focus was related towards disability but when I was looking into concentrations I decided to pick Behavioral and mental health.. Yes it is still a shock to me and other who know me. I wanted to expand my knowledge and field of interest to be able to support others and acknowledge more about myself. Mental Health is real.. Depression, anxiety and isolation is real.  During my years in high school I struggled with  accepting my disability. I struggled with a lot as a teenager never real spoke about.  I always was trying to find  away and fit in with the others, how my disability was develop is disappointment I would never forget but I have let it go and grew a lot more within.I remember breaking down into tears almost every night saying why me and wishing that one day I would walk. My mom would get upset at me when she heard those words why me because she never one day while caring for me said why her. I was leading into struggling with isolation after my high school kept me as a student with a disability separated from the others peers. I felt distance from my peers I wanted to experience life as a typical teenager. We were never involved in school activities etc. I thought many times of giving up on my high school journey. I remember one time in class my emotions took over.. my mind wondered and I broke down for the first time in class. Senior year came they gave me no hope for my future.. does not make anything better for me. I knew I had to become tough and be an advocate for myself although my parents believed in me and knew I was going to college, trade school or get a job yet it was not no official transition plan for me.  I truly begin to feel it was not worth going above and beyond I could settle for less. I felt graduating high school with a regents diploma was not worth it any more but I felt like I was not going to do anything with diploma I earn anyway so I did what I had to do an earn my local diploma at least it's still hope with that.  I spent my summer after high school celebrating there is no more turning back but night and day I was making phone and sending e-mails to make sure I'll be set to start college in the Fall of 2013. I never even realize it was a world outside the world of my high school 4 years. Got college feeling welcome accepted and included. Thankfully I have had great understand professors but I always wondered who shoulder could I lead on when I am going through it in college on a day on campus. My high school para mentored me daily in high school now I am dealing with people that don't know me as great has she does. My anxiety and frustration as grew since I started college. Working around support staff schedule to make sure I am able to get to an from school on time, transportation scheduling and Access A Ride being stressful as it is, needing to go to bed at a certain time because I need care taking  and to make sure I get my school work done on time etc. I have many break downs and moments I feel like rolling out the college doors and find a different direction. I would break down in tears just thinking.. I thought of dropping out college in the mid of transitioning to a 4 year college but I felt like I just could not do it any more but my include educator encourage me and told me I need a Bachelors Degree to become teacher. I then got accepted to Cuny School of Professional studies Disability Studies Program.. transition,anxiety, at times being overwhelmed at times, life being the way it is nothing I can truly change about it I tried to by the strong this past semester and see if I can make through successful without thinking about outcomes, reaching out for support or anything..  but every effort I make to do work. I just did not have the courage.. I will break down in tears thinking I'll be okay.. I may have now for the first time stumble across a  road I never imagine in college.. now I acknowledge I can't do this journey alone and I have acknowledge yes I face with these issues.. I struggle with socializing.. I struggle with communicating using my voice it does not make my life any easier. I escape many things through writing.. but I am glad I am speaking up about my struggles and now I will major in Disability Studies and Behavioral and Mental health to better support and be an advocate for mental health and also support students with disabilities in schools to have better support then I did in school.
I am afraid that people will just me for sharing this because they always see me happy and smiling but yet I am the one that endure so much in life.. #stopthestimgma I know if I spoke out about this to my family the would think I am crazy and today share with you.during my transition planing I requested counseling services because I would need support going through transition and becoming an adult with a disability when things started to process I denied it because I was afraid of the response I would get from my family etc.  never be afraid to reach out for support.
#Thereisnoshame #shareyourstory  #hopeonmyjourney

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